So she was sitting on the couch that warm Saturday afternoon in mid January, with only her supposed caregivers- her adopted daughter and daughter's boyfriend- at home.
It was a dull day; for someone who had always kept herself busy all hours of the day on weekdays and weekends, to have to sit on the poky brown sofa and do nothing because there was nothing she could physically do, was awkward and mind-numbing.
Her adopted daughter and her boyfriend bustled around the cramped living room, but she wasn't sure what it was they were doing. They always seemed to be very busy on weekends. If having a five-day work week was not enough, on weekends they would be working on the computer. Her adopted daughter, especially, would sometimes come home on Friday armed with a stack of papers- Miss Brown didn't ask specifically what they were- and she would refer to them as she worked on the computer.
All this computer work seemed very complicated to her.
After all, her adopted daughter had gone for a three-year program after completing her A Levels, obtained a diploma in computer, and had even a university degree in computer.
It was natural that she would always be working on the computer.
However this afternoon she wasn't. Neither of them were. They seemed to be in the kitchen, or so she heard, whilst she rested on the sofa with her eyes closed.
"Mummy, do you want papaya? Just bought one."
She answered yes- even though there was no table nearby and she didn't know how she was going to cut up the papaya.
Her daughter brought out a bowl with two pieces of cut papaya inside. She stood there hesitantly for a while, not knowing how her adopted mother was going to have the fruit.
"Haiya, I feed you lar. You cannot use your hand anyway."
Which was precisely what Miss Brown did. She sat there, leaned back, closed her eyes, and opened her mouth. Her adopted daughter cut the papaya and fed it to her.
Miss Brown knew this wasn't something her primary caregivers wanted- they were very emphatic on independence. But privately, Miss Brown relished it. For years and years she had dreamt of the day when she could rest, really rest, and she would be taken care of by her adopted daughter. She had dreamt of the time when Daughter would take care of Mother, lovingly, like Mother to Daughter.... and today seemed to be the time.
It felt like it.
She lay there, head resting against the back of the sofa, mouth opened, waiting for the spoon with the juicy, soft papaya to be placed in. It was a blissful feeling, a trusting feeling, to place herself in the care of her adopted daughter. This was how it should be.
But there was something on that warm Saturday afternoon that Miss Brown did not see.
Months later it would appear in a formal document- a sworn affidavit- a statement made by her adopted daughter of which she could not reconcile.
That on that afternoon, in the heart of her adopted daughter, there was no intention to have long-term loving Daughter-Mother physical care. There was never that thought. Instead what the heart wished for was to make Miss Brown love her helplessness, let her believe that there would be Daughter-Mother care, demand for it, hasten it forward, and then after that, leave her in the care of random persons.
Love from a Child, Care from a Child, Filial Piety and Relationship was never on the agenda.
It felt like it.
She lay there, head resting against the back of the sofa, mouth opened, waiting for the spoon with the juicy, soft papaya to be placed in. It was a blissful feeling, a trusting feeling, to place herself in the care of her adopted daughter. This was how it should be.
But there was something on that warm Saturday afternoon that Miss Brown did not see.
Months later it would appear in a formal document- a sworn affidavit- a statement made by her adopted daughter of which she could not reconcile.
That on that afternoon, in the heart of her adopted daughter, there was no intention to have long-term loving Daughter-Mother physical care. There was never that thought. Instead what the heart wished for was to make Miss Brown love her helplessness, let her believe that there would be Daughter-Mother care, demand for it, hasten it forward, and then after that, leave her in the care of random persons.
Love from a Child, Care from a Child, Filial Piety and Relationship was never on the agenda.