For a week now I've had my ears plugged in continuously to the sound of my own voice from audio recordings taken during meetings that I've attended past couple of years.
It's funny hearing my own voice.
Especially since it's not something I do very often.
The last time I heard my own voice in a recording was eons ago when I did a voicemail introduction for the main office line, and subsequently had to hear my own voice every time no one picked up the phone.
What's awkward isn't just the words or the tone or the fact that I somehow sound nasal.
What's awkward is that I can literally visualize myself in the place where I was seated at, I can 'see' myself speaking with the attendees- and I find myself trying to imagine how exactly I looked.
Yeah, I'm not the sort who talks to herself in the mirror very much.
But it was great listening to those conversations all over again.
To the very least I discovered a side of myself I didn't know before.
If I'd thought I had been babbling away during meetings talking irrelevant stuff, these recordings showed that I, in fact, had been speaking sense; that what I'd shared had been of meaning to the project at hand.
If I'd thought I'd been saying things that seemed out of touch at that point in time, these recordings showed that they were in fact (discussions related to possible solutions and furtherance of business).
There were things shared that now can be interpreted to be part of business consultancy.
There were things shared that were, in fact, examples of what the other party could, or ought to consider.
Like how we placed a trike in a singular place, let a member of the public try it, and garnered publicity for it.
And like how, similarly, you could place a machine in a singular place, let the public try it, and garner similar publicity for it.
Funny thing is, I didn't think much of what we were sharing back then.
But they're (hopefully) important now.
Of course, there were times when I jumped the gun, got too ahead of myself and expressed ideas which were beyond the urgent subject matter at that point in time.
But they actually did form part of the bigger picture.
Or could have been.
There are some projects I feel a bit of pity for.
This is one of them.
But there's nothing left to be said.
Anyway, I'm less lively these days.
I'm also less enthusiastic about the projects of other people as well.
Because such is life where even though you might see the potential, and where you might try to make the project work, yet, despite your best efforts, despite your best suggestions, and despite working on it as per contracted, if people choose to make bad business decisions, there's nothing you can do to push the project forward.
It will just go south.
And all you'll end up doing is having to prove to a third party that you are truly what you say you are.