Emotions still run a little raw at the sight of these pictures, and honestly, I am surprised, for slightly over a month it has been, and should one not have healed by this time?
But I guess emotions run deep and long with me, and so, despite the fact that I no longer cry or feel sad upon seeing these pictures, I do remember how I felt at that point in time, and that memory stays with me.
It is like how I remember trudging into Hong Lim Park with the sesame bun in my hand that I'd bought from the shops outside People's Park Centre, and finishing it by the time I wandered down towards High Street Center.
It is like how I tore open the bag of almonds given to me by a loved one, poured them into the jar, then munched them along with a breakfast of strong coffee, week-old bread and a slice of cheese.
Or how it was that I didn't stand by the stove to cook my ramen even though I like my noodles thick and chewy like the texture of noodle pudding. but instead poured hot water over it in the big bowl. let it stand, and ate it that way.
It is also like how I remember drinking cup after cup of hot ginger tea and hot chocolate for breakfast and dinner because one stimulated the nerves and the other calmed me down.
And it is like how I recollect spritzing on lavender scented facial mist just so I could conjure up the courage, focus, and get out of the house with at least a bit of a smile.
It was a week- only a week- but it felt so long, so tedious, so frightening, so worrying and so uncertain that each day challenged my spirit, and my soul.
I hardly ate.
I hardly slept.
I cried all the time.
Yes, it really wasn't the calmest nor the happiest of times. For the first time in my life I really understood what grief was. I really understood what it was like to have a loved one unexpectedly separated from you with no preparation, no warning, no prior arrangement.
No doubt it wasn't permanent, but it was the shock that gripped me- and it gripped me hard.
Had it not been for friends and loved ones who reached out to me, had it not been for them who sent me messages, spoke to me and encouraged me, and had it not been for those who offered help to me in one way or another, I don't think I would have made it.
It had been my intention to put it all out in a gratitude list of thank yous, but for now, having had spent a month cleaning things up, and still cleaning, I think it might be better for the present moment to keep things moving along, in short, to move on, and have the list written out some time in the future.