a Week.. what a Week

Last week didn't start well.

 

Neither did it end well- at least, not as well as I had hoped it to.

Something I didn't like happened on Friday that culminated what was, I feel, a challenging summer,

 

There are certain times during any year that I can sincerely claim to be exhausting, draining, dazed, miserable and  tiring. These are times that pull the resources out of me and activate a survival mode, and each time I seem to think that I cannot survive.

But, given the fact that I am typing this, of course, I do.

Past few years these challenges seem to have taken place during the summer season (hence my personal intense dislike for summer, sorry to summer-lovers), but there have been years when such challenges take place in late autumn, or early winter.

Last week, by all things, would probably be marked as one of the late autumnal ones

 

Except that this time I didn't have the occasion to mope through my misery on the weekend because there were work meetings to go for, work phone calls to prepare for, papers to look at, and emails that one had to prep for.

 

There was no time to think. 
 

There was no time to space out and daze my poor brain and to reflect on the goings-on.

 

What leaves me feeling concerned is that I'm right now at a stage where I can't space out, I can't put my mind to what has happened, I can't reflect, it is just not coming together, and I suspect it is affecting me in more ways than one.

If you've ever heard of someone being zombie-fied, well, I think I'm right now one. What happens is that I wake up, I go about the day, I do the chores, I shower, I have my regular meals, snacks even, but there's just that lack of enthusiasm, that lack of eagerness. I'm doing stuff for the sake of doing. It doesn't interest me, nor does it excite me.

That's how it has been.

Thank God my appetite hasn't completely disappeared, that the food I'm eating tastes like dust in my mouth, and I'm still hunting about the pantry cupboard for that snack I wanna eat.

Thank God too that I haven't come to a stage where I huddle lifelessly under the covers and stone, or daze there with no desire to slide out of bed.

I still have the desire to self-care, I still have the desire to get onto social media and see what's happening in the world whilst throwing in a comment or two. And I still have the desire to get a can of Tiger Radler beer and guzzle it down.

So it is altogether not too bad a way of coping.

But there's just one month to Christmas, and I wish I could enter into the real mood of the season soon.