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| sadako audition shot |
Yes, I looked like this that day. I felt like this too. And I'm making no excuses for it.
It wasn't intended that I'd take this picture- I didn't even pose for it. I just dragged out the phone and snapped. I knew I'd look like s*** but honestly I already felt like a piece of s*** and since the washroom lighting made the selfie look the way I felt, I decided I wasn't going to prettify it further.
A selfie can either reveal the best of ourselves, or it can be a mirror memory of what's really happening that day and though it might seem depressive and frightening and fearful and angry and everything, that's what it is.
It was a mode where one had had restless sleep, where showers had been hurried (whilst being thankful for), where one stayed still hungry despite having had a filling meal, where one's life was in its down-down mode and although I knew that tis' a season that will pass, tis' also a season that I didn't bloody want to have.
It was a season that scared the s*** out of me and forced me to re-look at my present beliefs and adapt new ones that challenged my own thought processes and long-held principles. In this season alone, I re-examined two long-held theories and tossed them inside out and upside down. The circumstances alone made me invert the Maslow's pyramid theory (to the level that I know it) and made me reframe what I'd been taught of Satir's theory.
Conclusion: The current two theories are s*** when it comes to real-life survival.
Perhaps some would disagree with me. But I'm one of those who feel a lot, I'm one of those who don't give a f**k about theories and applications of inner strength and coping mechanisms and whatnot. I've heard them before, I've joined others to encourage others to apply it in their lives before and today I repent of whatever it was that I said all those years ago. The believers can just take the theory and go screw themselves. I'm not being harsh. You don't have time to be kind when you're just trying to live, and I just go for what works for me and I'm making no excuses for it.
Maybe I'll write another post about what I think of those two theories. But I'll wait till I'm less mad. Being mad gets you nowhere when trying to rationalize. Ha. There'll be other theories, I surmise, but I'm not keen on them- for now- and may I never have to use them too. :)
On another perspective, I still stick to the fact that I don't have to like it, nor cherish it, nor be thankful for the s***. And when it's over, it's over. So, GOODBYE, DON"T COME BACK and I don't ever f**king want to look nor feel this way again.
It wasn't intended that I'd take this picture- I didn't even pose for it. I just dragged out the phone and snapped. I knew I'd look like s*** but honestly I already felt like a piece of s*** and since the washroom lighting made the selfie look the way I felt, I decided I wasn't going to prettify it further.
A selfie can either reveal the best of ourselves, or it can be a mirror memory of what's really happening that day and though it might seem depressive and frightening and fearful and angry and everything, that's what it is.
It was a mode where one had had restless sleep, where showers had been hurried (whilst being thankful for), where one stayed still hungry despite having had a filling meal, where one's life was in its down-down mode and although I knew that tis' a season that will pass, tis' also a season that I didn't bloody want to have.
It was a season that scared the s*** out of me and forced me to re-look at my present beliefs and adapt new ones that challenged my own thought processes and long-held principles. In this season alone, I re-examined two long-held theories and tossed them inside out and upside down. The circumstances alone made me invert the Maslow's pyramid theory (to the level that I know it) and made me reframe what I'd been taught of Satir's theory.
Conclusion: The current two theories are s*** when it comes to real-life survival.
Perhaps some would disagree with me. But I'm one of those who feel a lot, I'm one of those who don't give a f**k about theories and applications of inner strength and coping mechanisms and whatnot. I've heard them before, I've joined others to encourage others to apply it in their lives before and today I repent of whatever it was that I said all those years ago. The believers can just take the theory and go screw themselves. I'm not being harsh. You don't have time to be kind when you're just trying to live, and I just go for what works for me and I'm making no excuses for it.
Maybe I'll write another post about what I think of those two theories. But I'll wait till I'm less mad. Being mad gets you nowhere when trying to rationalize. Ha. There'll be other theories, I surmise, but I'm not keen on them- for now- and may I never have to use them too. :)
On another perspective, I still stick to the fact that I don't have to like it, nor cherish it, nor be thankful for the s***. And when it's over, it's over. So, GOODBYE, DON"T COME BACK and I don't ever f**king want to look nor feel this way again.