Not going to lie, but these pictures of the bus ride I took from Geylang Serai to Hougang Bus Interchange were a little hard to see.
It wasn't because they weren't well taken or that they weren't nice to look at, but simply because they were taken during a season that reminds me of a tragic time that came not too long after- resulting in a time I wish would end very soon.
This bus ride had been on a Saturday afternoon.
It was a trip that saw me go from Geylang to Hougang, take a letter out of the letter box, then make my way up to Yishun on an errand for Mr. Radioman.
Actually, the pictures themselves are charming.
Had early 2023 not taken place I probably would be able to appreciate them the same way I did back in 2022.
But life changes.
It isn't the whole journey that makes me feel this way, however.
I don't feel the rising bile when I see the blocks of flats at Ubi housing estate, the car showrooms that came after, even the entrance to Bartley Road East or the Kim Chuan Road area after.
The feeling of bile comes somewhere around here at the blocks of Hougang Avenue 1, Hougang Avenue 3, and the turn between Hougang Avenue 2 and Upper Serangoon Road.
Maybe because these blocks have been in my life most familiar with me.
It's a bit of a pity.
These pictures were beautiful.
But the sight of them brings me a reminder of the life I have lived, the family that I have had, and the life I have to still live now.
Actually the sight of those flats at Hougang Avenue 1 aren't that bad- they remind me of my childhood since my school was close by and I had friends on the school bus who lived in the blocks here.
They also remind me of the time I walked here with Mr. Radioman in the wee hours and we went to the Prime supermarket and Molly's bakery and confectionery before making our way back.
These days however, I don't think of these pleasant times when I see these blocks.
I think of the (unpleasant) flat that still awaits me.
You know, I wonder if it be possible for parts of my life to take themselves completely away.
Or if there be parts of my life which, even in my memory, I do not wish to anymore see.
I don't see why I should.
Those people whom used to live in Hougang and whom I care about have all gone.
My grandmother who used to live in Hougang Avenue 3 has passed on.
My aunt who used to live with her has since married to Australia.
My aunt, who used to live on the opposite side of the stadium migrated, my cousins going along with her.
Mr. Radioman is gone.
And my grandfather who used to live in the People's Garden estate behind this junction, has since passed on too.
There's nobody left in Hougang whom I feel anything for.
Perhaps this then is a cue.
A reminder that it is time to close the gates on this estate (metaphorically), wish it a goodbye, walk away, and metaphorically never return.