Cold Brew in Me

It's gotten surprisingly hard to write this post. 

And the funny thing is that I don't know why.

How difficult, honestly, can it be, for a person to write about an epiphany that she got one evening at the Starbucks of Changi Airport whilst having a meal of cold brew (with milk!) and a breakfast croissant with what I think is ham and cheese? 

Maybe I'm not ready to talk about it.

Maybe I'm not ready for the gargantuan thoughts that crop up when I have even the slightest thoughts about it. 

But sometimes in life a person must push through...

So, here goes:

I was at Changi Airport Terminal 3 one evening, and not just any evening but the evening of Lunar New Year's Eve. 

I had no purpose being at the airport.

I wasn't there to send anyone off.

I wasn't there to welcome anyone home.

But earlier on I had taken a bus from Eunos to Woodlands, and because I didn't feel like going straight home, had taken the bus from Woodlands to Changi Airport instead.

Now, there were many dinner options I could have had at Terminal 3. 

But I wanted coffee. 

So off it was to Starbucks for a cold brew (with milk!), and a reheated breakfast croissant (because there didn't seem to offer any warm meals)

Did I feel lonely having this meal all by myself over at Starbucks Terminal 3?

Well, yes, and no. 

Yes, because even though I'm generally okay to be alone, there're times where I'm not so good, and having meals is one of them. 

It's a little embarrassing, yes,  but I've never been able to walk confidently into a restaurant and tell the staff to prep "table for one". Neither have I been able to walk into a crowded hawker center, coffee shop or food court amidst a meal time crowd, place my orders, find a table, sit down and eat. 

I'm too self conscious for that, and I never know how some of my dearest friends can do just that.

It's so mortifying for me.

But I'm improving. 

Especially after the epiphany at Starbucks where I realized that I would rather be alone than to have company that is toxic to me. 

"I'd rather be alone than to have to deal with toxicity."

That's the exact line that came to my head as I sat there eating through my croissant and sipping my cold brew.

Yes, I'd rather do things by myself.

Yes, I'd rather eat by myself.

And yes, I'd rather go around by myself.

Better it is that I be alone (from the rare time to time because thank God I have an oppa, a namja and a chingu all rolled into one). 

Than to deal with a person who hurts me, disrespects me, insists on full and complete obedience, don't see me as a person, dominates and controls me, and speaks words of toxicity to me (anytime and all the time) as if there are no consequences. 

Today is a day where the memory of a person wanting to take my last $50 still rankles in me. 

Today is a day where the memory of a person being 'generous' in granting me my last $50 still rises bile in me. 

Never have I felt so poisoned as in this last season alone.

I have had no choice but to be attached with such and such a person for the longest longest time, but now emotionally and mentally I've drifted away- or to the very least I'm conscious when words of toxicity come back to haunt me.

I will have to learn to do more things alone. 

Like adulting stuff.

Like travel.

Like eating.

It's going to be a process, I suppose, and I trust it will be easier than my over-stressed brain thinks it will be. 

But yes, I'd rather be alone and do things alone. 

And I pray that this toxicity will never come to haunt me, never return. 

Bangkok: A Central Embassy Lunch

Often it is that on the day we fly off we don't get to do much. 

It's a pity- I wish I had the zest and the energy to do more- but for some reason which I myself cannot comprehend why- I don't seem to be able to- and in past couple of times I find myself slowing down and stepping back and doing as minimal as I can before I head to the airport and back home. 

Maybe another time I'll be a bit more daring and squeeze my time to the max.

But not yet.

And not this time, where, after a Grabbed in breakfast (of which I have no pictures), we headed back out to TOPS Chidlom through Nai Lert Heritage Home Park. 

This is a park I will not soon forget.

Not lest for its beautifully manicured green grounds, but really, for the fact that it is open to the public, offering us her quiet serenity, her calming presence in an otherwise busy, bustling, raw, noisy city. 

We got what we wanted to get- protein shakes mostly- and then it was back to the room to pack and store our luggage. 

But with it being too early to go to the airport, off it was to Central Embassy for a quick lunch. At first I had hoped to eat at the airport, but there not being much in terms of food choices in the main hall- just a Dean & Deluca which sandwiches, although good, my companion was reluctant to have. 

So it was at a casual cafe on one of their upper floors that we found ourselves in.

Now, I don't remember the name of the cafe. 

Neither do I remember the name of the bookshop where it was in.

But i know there was a gigantic teddy bear at one side of the bookshop, I know there were a couple of casual cafes and coffee houses surrounding the bookshop, and then there was this neat, zen-like Japanese cafe here where the food was, shall I say, really good. 

Perhaps this might sound frivolous, childish even, but I had a bit of crave for udon with mentaiko sauce, and so I ordered that, together with an onsen egg and ikura that came in this cute little bowl. 

Bangkok: Shang By The River

A blessing it is when someone remembers what it is you wanted to try, and what it is you wanted to have. 

I had hoped to try the Shang in Bangkok.

Not because I desired to be treated like a princess or queen or have luxury for a night, but because I always wanted to know what it was like staying in this district along the Chao Phraya River, and because it seemed to make good financial sense. 

If there's one thing about the lobbies of Shangri La's hotels that I have come to realize, it is that they tend to be high-ceilinged with lots of natural light and even lots more space. 

So much is the similarity that one feels a slight sense of familiarity almost as soon as one steps into the lobby. 

It's as if you know exactly where to go.

What it is, precisely, however, I don't know.

It might be the space.

It might also be the sight of all those comfortable chairs in the lounge next to the lobby that makes one want to settle in and breathe a bit before heading elsewhere. 

I liked the flowers. 

I liked how colorful they were, how tropical they looked, and how dramatic they were all in full bloom cascading downwards towards the floor. 

I guess there's something about orchids in fuchsia color that remind you just where in Asia you are. 

If the flowers don't do that for you, that solid-looking, sturdy-to-the-touch, dark wood type of teak furniture in your room will.

Yes I was glad for the huge sized bed.

I was also glad for the desk and the coffee cabinet under the TV. 

But let's just say that this evening I was more eager for the bath and the shower.

Then again, even as I relished the hot water spray in the shower, it didn't mean that I didn't get mesmerized by the view outside the window.

It was beautiful. 

Whether it was a culmination of the skyscrapers in shadow, whether it was the sight of a most breathtaking Bangkok sunset, or the sight of those powerful River currents coming all the way down from 300km up north, for the first time in my life I realized just how magnetic this waterway was. 

It might have been the currents.

It might have been the ferries making their way criss-crossing the waterway to and fro. 

But something about this waterway spoke to me. 

I wish I knew what it was. 

But I don't. 

Perhaps at another time I might be in a better frame of mind to think and to discover. 

Perhaps at another time I might have the time to explore this River better.

But as of this time I'm just glad to have been able to experience from two different points of view. 

It wasn't just the River that I got to feel. 

I too had a most enjoyable time exploring the hotel, which, even though I haven't been to as many Shangs as I would have wished to, seems to be a bit larger than some of the other properties that I've been to. 

I don't mean it in terms of height- they're probably more or less the same- but in terms of space. 

The property of Shangri-La Bangkok has two wings. 

On one end you have the Shangri-La Wing- business-like, serious, stoic, old-money, city skyscraper- but on the other end, you have the Krungthep Wing which has balconies (that also overlook the Chao Phraya River) and, from the exteriors alone, seem to give off a more relaxed, resort-like vibe. '

There're differences between one and the other, of course, at least in terms of room categories where the Shangri-La Wing has Premier, Deluxe and Horizon, compared to the other with just the Krungthep and the River View.

What charmed me, however, wasn't just the length of distance between one Wing and the other, or the lovely sight of symmetrical balconies on each floor of the Krungthep Wing. 

Neither were it the interiors of the Krungthep Wing which I thought looked more cultural in their design- they had a bridge and all this greenery. What's more, with all the natural light streaming in from the roof and all on all sides, seemed to carry a distinctly different vibe. 

But as much as it were the interiors of  the Krungthep wing, it were the corridor leading between both wings that had me surprised.

I had expected nothing more than a long carpeted corridor (because that's what most places do) but no, besides the naturally-lit, spacious corridors- there were more than one- there were these.  

These pictures here don't actually show just how cute and adorable all these little dioramas are. 

You have to be there to see them for yourself- the colors, the layout, the level of detail.

Everything looked like a little movie set, especially those wooden chairs from the Weddings Department that the staff had arranged to make it look like a wedding in a garden.

The Lobby Lounge Department didn't lose out either, not with their cute little sprig (there's an actual word for it) of flowers, their three-tiered cake stand with macarons and cakes prettily arranged, their elegant tea cup and tea pot, and the wall sticker.

I loved the amount of detail that went into these little dioramas. 

Maybe one can say they are more patient.

Maybe one can say that they've got more people.

But I say it all begins with the heart, the pride and the skill which they then hone thereafter. 

Bangkok: Thipsamai & the Penthouse Bar

I'm the sort of person who has grown to embrace whatever surprises there are that come my way. 

Whilst most surprises, thank God, are pleasant, the Embrace, I have to say, doesn't happen naturally always, and neither does it mean that I'll happily take it without reserve every single time. 

But life has her turns and in one way or another I've learnt to have as open a mind as I can. 

If this sounds philosophical, well, it's not meant to be.

I don't intend it to be. 

It's simply a thought that's popped up at this moment as I look through these pictures from this day in Bangkok. 

You know, I wasn't really sure what to expect when told we'd be staying at Movenpick Hotel behind the BDMS Wellness Center near Chidlom. Google Maps told me that there was a mall- the Central Embassy- a short walk away from the hotel, but that, it seemed, was generally it. 

It didn't take me long to realize that this was a quieter neighborhood. 

But morning came and it became very apparent that there's a marked difference between a quiet neighborhood, and a neighborhood with a park that once used to belong to a private Residence but has now become open to the public. 

We took a walk through Nai Lert Park this morning to the TOPS Supermarket at Central Chidlom. 

Now, if anyone had told me that there would be such a beautifully manicured spot of green right in the heart of this bustling, noisy, near-concrete city, I would never have believed it. 

But there Nai Lert Park stood, and in her gardens, even someone as blur as me could tell that there was a lot of heart.

Someone had taken much effort to keep everything in tip top shape, whether it were ensuring the plants and trees remained lush and green, whether it were keeping the grass trimmed, or whether everything were carefully manicured to a degree of near perfection.

i liked seeing the traditional Thai houses.

i also liked seeing the neat wooden benches, the pond full of lotus flowers, and the perfectly maintained heritage trees.

If this park had belonged once to a private home owner, I could imagine just how a Resident- maybe a man, or a lady of the house- might walk out of the home to seat themselves on these benches in the cool of the morning, or evening, just to absorb the green. 

There was unfortunately no chance for me to sit down on the bench this morning. 

We were heading to breakfast at the food court of TOPS, and a good one it turned out to be. 

It's not every day that I get to have a (Southern style) biscuit with scrambled egg for breakfast. In fact, if you ask me, I think it was my first, so I'm glad that the biscuit had that comfortable blend of buttery salt, and soft, fluffy scrambled egg stuffed in between.

If it isn't every day that I get to have a biscuit for breakfast, neither is it every day that I get to have an egg and ham thick toast sandwich plus an omelet with salad and tater tots, and a bowl of creamy pumpkin soup which even at breakfast time tasted so good. 

Back it was on the quiet road along the canal for the walk back. 

I had thought that this road was just what it was. 

Now I saw that it was well maintained with some sort of horticulture landscaping along it. 

Afternoon we went out for what was supposed to be (I think) another heritage meal but the place was closed- on account of it being the Songkran weekend- and so we agreed to have a meal of Padthai from Thipsamai instead. 

If there's one dish I know I won't ever be complaining about- never mind where I am- it would be this. 

Don't ask me why I love it so much.

i just do. 

There're many methods of preparing this, there're varying standards, and I like them all, but this here at Thipsamai- what I call the OG of PadThai- has to be one of the best, if not the best.

It's not merely the slightly sweet, slightly salty, faint river shrimp taste of PadThai, it's the perfect texture between oil and dry, and the cheery, whet-your-appetite color that draws me.

Besides the PadThai with Shrimp Oil, Fresh Deep Sea Prawns, and Egg, we had also another order of spring rolls, which we'd fallen in love the previous time we came, and so decided to have back again their variety platter this time.

One thing I noticed this time coming to Thipsamai was their open kitchen. 

From where I sat this afternoon I could look through the large clear window and watch both senior, and junior, chefs working their spatulas over the wok. There was a fluidity, a harmony in the way they worked their spatulas, in the way they lifted the wok, in the steady yet nonchalant way they stirred the noodles inside. 

It made them look like they were one with their tools. 

I admired it. 

Our very late lunch being over this afternoon, we headed over to the rooftop bar of Park Hyatt Bangkok for drinks and dinner.

I had been a little surprised when told we'd be going- drinks are not often on the itinerary when it comes to travel- but thirty minutes into our meal at Penthouse Bar & Grill and I realized just why. 

Park Hyatt Bangkok lies on the hotel side of Central Embassy on 88 Witthayu Road. On the top floor of this very tall hotel property is the Penthouse bar & Grill. 

As such, it is a full, unadulterated 360-degree view of Bangkok's cityscape that greets you just as soon as you climb up the short flight of stairs and open the door. 

I'd like to say that I knew just what I was looking at, but I don't know enough of Bangkok's skyscrapers to recognize just where, and what I'm looking at. 

I might have been looking at Pathum Wan. 

I might have been looking at Khlong Toei or Sathorn or Phaya Thai. 

There's a possibility that I might have been looking as far as Samut Prakan, or the Dusit District or Chatuchak.

But I don't know how far the horizon goes, and I don't know which building is at where. 

Perhaps one day I might have a better understanding. 

But this evening I was just glad to appreciate the view of Bangkok from this height. 

I was glad to enjoy the beef nachos and the truffle fries. 

And best of all, I'm glad to have enjoyed my drink.

Those who can handle their whisky on the rocks might not find this cup of green thing a very big deal, but for someone who tends to limit her alcohol to only either wine or makkgeoli, sipping a cocktail called Yok Lor can be quite a thrill. 

Here's the funny thing though.

I don't know what the alcohol in it is.

I'm assuming it's the Malai or the Kosapan Jasmin.

Because it seems unlikely that coconut, green tea, pandan, boi yanang and lime would be alcoholic...

Then again, it might be the boi yanang. 

I really wouldn't know. :D