So it might seem like I tend to be indecisive most of the time, but really, there are a couple of things in life that, once I look off, look away and move on, I don't turn around, I don't look back, and I don't smile.
That doesn't mean I deny their existence.
How I see it is that they're just there, they've been there, and that's it.
No more, no less.
It doesn't matter if they've been in my life for a good long while.
It doesn't matter if I have been familiar with them and 'that's how it's always been'.
I now no longer care.
Because they are, after all, no more suitable for me, no more a boon to my current nor future state and, in any case, no one- in the name of memories, sentimentality, or honor- should hang on to what has ceased to be a blessing, but has instead become a curse, and a source of hurt to them instead.
If it sounds like I'm referring to a person, no, I'm not.
I'm referring to these.
Which, after three decades of RGP hard lenses, I switched to, and I won't ever be looking back.
Why should I?
Why should I go back to what no longer works for me when today technology has evolved, perspectives towards eye care have moved on, and I have much faster, easier, more comfortable options for lenses rather than the hard, surface-scratched ones that I'd been using for more than 10 years?
It's not just the lens.
It's that the shape of my eyelids seems to have changed over the last few years, and maybe them lids (and my eyes) are no more the same as they were when I first made these RGP lenses oh so long ago.
I'm telling you, I won't soon forget just how painful and traumatizing it was for me in August when, all of a sudden, my right lens began giving me serious, SERIOUS trouble.
Okay, it had been on a bit of an annoyance a couple of months before, but never had it reached a stage where my eye started to heavily hurt and tear the moment I slid the lens in.
Such disruption to my already disrupted life, I tell you.
Not only was it busy season- we had an MV to shoot and we were shifting place- each morning saw me waste thirty minutes trying to settle the discomfort in my right eye with a process that included excessive tearing, eye drops, taking out the lens, putting it back in, taking it out again, putting it back in again.
The discomfort got worse as the day wore on, and initially I thought I might have had some sort of conjunctivitis, so I went to see an ophthalmologist, but despite the prescribed eye drops and the steroids the blasted pain didn't go away.
It worsened.
My eyes became sensitive to all kinds of light.
I could not see the menu of any restaurant I went to.
I could not see the food I was eating.
Errands in the supermarket became a chore because I kept bumping into things and I couldnt' see the tiny print of the expiry date.
Not just that, I had to wear sunglasses indoors (and my pair at that time had a bit of a blurred lens) and I couldn't transit from indoors to outdoors without my eyes tearing like mad.
When I needed to sign documents I couldn't even see where exactly to sign.
It was very, very frustrating, very disturbing, very dangerous.
Crossing the road was dangerous when I couldn't see the green man (the sunshine hurt my eyes when I looked up).
Trying not to show weakness in front of a person I term a bug was dangerous.
And so desperate became I that I got fed up and went about my day with the (right) lens absent altogether and survived the day to day functions with much clearer vision in the left eye.
Yes, it's unconventional.
But I didn't get a headache, and at least I didn't have to uncontrollably cry.
With all that which has happened, I'm thankful, and grateful for these dailies that I managed to get hold from Bausch & Lomb- I forget the category- I think it's ULTRA- and I've been wearing them ever since.
There is now no more worry that my lens will suddenly pop out of my eye when I look extreme left or right.
There is now no more squinting at fine print on paper because the power of these magical, thin dailies are suited for my present level of vision.
I can look up at lawyers and other people with sharp, expressive looks and clear, undisturbed vision.
And even though there're adjustments I have to make, like watching out for raindrops, like not being able to shower with my face up in the falling water, and like watching how I remove my lens- gawd, I'm sticking my finger into my eyeball- I can now fully relish and take pictures of everything and anything that I so desire, with clear, concise vision, and Chonkycam's mix of feels, visuals and eyes.