I should have written this at least a month or two ago.
At best, before the year ended.
But as things go, my heart (and mind) wasn't all there, and furthermore, I didn't have much of a time time.
To be honest, it wasn't that I didn't have time, but that I didn't have the space to think, or process, or read or write.
I still don't have the space now.
But I hope it will get better, that what I'm facing will soon be over, and that I'll be able to focus on what's treasured and important and what I want to do, very very very soon.
This birthday wasn't unpleasant.
It was, however, a little pensive.
Because unlike other years when I didn't feel it this much, this year there was one thing I had only recently come to realize, and which I knew I wanted fulfilled.
See, for a long time now I'd been so enmeshed in a dynamic that I found myself unable to describe, or decipher just what I was, just what my personality was, and what the difference was between me, and those around me.
I didn't know what I wanted.
And even if I were told to make a choice, more often than not, I would spend a long time ruminating over decisions trying to rationalize them out and hoping to make the best one.
There was just no me.
It's never a good thing when you just go along with what others want.
You lose your presence.
You lose your identity.
You lose just what it is that makes you, you.
I've been struggling, honestly, and worse still, I've been ashamed and embarrassed to speak out just what it is I want, just who it is I am.
But this birthday I didn't want to completely, entirely, go along.
I wanted to hold on to a part of me that was, well, me.
Perhaps at another time, at another year, I shall make plans for myself.
But this year- in 2023- I was just glad enough to be able to celebrate a birthday.
Really.
I didn't think I would make it this far.
It's often my style that I just roll along with whatever's planned for my birthday, and even though I did wonder (quietly) to myself just what it was we would be doing, because lovely surprises do descend upon me, but I do love doing anything and everything just so long as I'm happy with the one whom I'm doing it with.
So, nope, no plans for the year of 2023.
I didn't care.
Offhand first, however, there was a lot of food.
I'm with someone who continually ensures that I have more than enough to eat, and that I am happy with whatever it is I'm eating.
When it was, or in which running order it was that we had all this food, I don't remember- the dates all clash- but we celebrated over the course of the October month, and each occasion was delightful.
I loved the dim sum at the coffee shop in Bedok outside Sheng Siong.
Don't underestimate its status or its brand- the stalls there have something going- including a well known fried rice stall, and this stall offering big, silky, gorgeously smooth cheong fun.
From the same coffee shop too we had a bowl of wanton soup with huge dumplings of pork meat and amazingly silky smooth skin all bobbing about inside.
We went for a birthday salmon sashimi at Tanuki Raw on another day, and may I say that I hope they continue to have this birthday promotion thingy, because it's totally worth the value and it's just so, so good.
The sashimi, of course, wasn't the only Japanese food we had.
There was sushi too.
With fresh oysters, more salmon sashimi, scallops, chicken karaage and prawn tempura at a casual Japanese place that delivered your food to you on cute little trains.
It's interesting how some of these places we go rather frequent, and so have gotten used to how they are, but there're also some meals that were completely new to me, and I hope to experience them at a due point next time.
One of our favorite things to do when it comes to celebrations is to go for buffets.
But what with our method of strategic eating these days where we no longer eat as much as we used to, for my birthday in 2023, we opted for a semi-buffet, where at Hotel Jen Orchard Gateway we ordered ourselves a main each, and then, along with it, came a soup and salad buffet where, besides all the green leafy vegetables, lettuce, carrots, olives, corn and whatnot, there were also quail eggs, a rojak station, various kinds of cheese, and breads.
I had Spaghetti with Salted Egg Sauce and Soft Shell Crab.
The Hedgehog had Sous Vide Veal Shank that came with a piece of brioche.
We had our salads.
What The Hedgehog chose, I can't recall, but mine had my favorite lettuce, a heap of quail eggs (because I love them), cranberries, and black olives (because again whenever there're black olives I'm never able to ignore them).
I had a bowl of mushroom soup too.
Then there was dessert, where for this evening, we chose Cendol ice cream with caramelized banana and strawberries, as well as a meringue, which, I'm going to say, was super unusual, and so good.
I loved this buffet.
And occasion, or no occasion, certainly I hope we'll get to go back soon.
It wouldn't be much of a birthday if there were no cake, and am I thankful to say that there were two.
For another year i might get a cheesecake or some other fruit cake, but this year there was chocolate, and whether it were the one from Paris Baguette, or the one from Henri Charpentier, both I liked- the latter had hazelnut- and I'm thankful for the one who, whilst eating the cake, listened to me and understood me.
