It is very, very difficult for me to write this post.
Not because I believe that she's dead or gone or that she has crossed the rainbow bridge, but because I cannot fathom just how- just how- in the span of five hours- this cat- this adorable, affectionate, charming feline who had been around the compound for 6 whole months was just suddenly gone.
In the morning she was around.
At noontime she was around.
But when we came back in the evening, she was gone.
At first we had thought she'd gone for her walk.
But came morning next day, afternoon next day, evening next day, and she wasn't back.
It's been over a month.
I'm sad.
Really.
We had just bought a new bag of lamb snacks from the store for her.
And in the drawer there are still 3 cans of cat food we have yet to give her.
I miss her.
I miss this cat more than I thought I would.
There were so many new experiences, so many new surprises that I had with her.
She was the first cat to wind herself around my leg and shed fur all over my pants.
She was the first cat to sit right next to me on the bench.
She was the first cat to make that soft 'rurrrrr' purring sound at me- which, I must add, for all my life I had never heard before.
All my life I have never thought of myself as a cat person.
And if you ask me, I still don't think I am.
But Noel was the first one who made me think that perhaps, one day, I might get a cat, and who knows, I might become one.
There has never been a cat who follows me around.
Noel was the first.
All the way to the shops in the late evening when she was hungry and wanted me to buy food.
With her I learnt just what a blessing it was to have a pet by my side.
There is something about walking through the gate, or the door, and seeing a cat looking back at you, watching out for you, even running over to greet you.
There is something also about seeing a cat stretch itself out comfortably on the bench, only moving when you prod her a little bit, and then barely leaving you a space to sit on.
I have seen her behaving like a security guard sitting on top of the fire hydrant.
I have seen her excitedly chasing birds.
I have also seen her sniffing at bicycle tires and peering curiously into drains.
This is a cat with some of the cutest cat behaviors that I had never in other cats seen previously before.
Endlessly cleaning herself- there's forever a spot somewhere to be cleaned.
Going to the back of the compound to the trees to do personal business (whilst looking really hard at you as she does it).
Sleeping sprawled out on the bench.
Sleeping curled up on the bench.
Sleeping underneath the bench.
And slipping beneath the bench to hide behind your leg thinking she won't be seen by other residents who happen to be passing by.
i miss seeing her sleep on top of the fire hydrant with her paw covering her eyes.
I miss sneaking up on her with a lamb snack in hand whilst she sleeps and watching her little nose twitch.
I miss the little biscuits she makes with her paws over my pants and my big Platinum Mall T-shirt.
She used to rest on my thigh.
She used to meow loudly to us (and to anyone who played with her- we weren't the only ones who took care of her, by the way) every time we got near to her.
I want to stroke her head again.
I want to stroke her cheeks again.
And what wouldn't I wish to hear her meow loudly outside our door at 3am again.