As a woman who kind of ended up into some sort of leadership role, I consider it a privilege that I have had the opportunity to meet people of varying positions doing varying roles in varying industries.
Through the years, I've met men and women from sole proprietorships, small medium enterprises and conglomerates.
I've also met men and women in industries that range from technology, finance, energy, medical, entertainment, events and wellness.
It's all very interesting, and if there's one thing I've come to realize, it is that men and women tend to treat their role very differently.
Men like to talk. Sometimes they talk loud and long, sometimes they don't. I have had meetings with men for no more than twenty minutes. I have also had meetings with men for two and a half hours.
Women, on the other hand, like to take it matter of fact when they talk about the purpose- like, yeah, that's how I started, here's the journey, here's where we are now, that's it. Otherwise they do all that in an escalator pitch and then jump straight into task driven made.
I like the latter.
But there are times when women take on too many tasks, and too many roles, all at the same time.
So we were at this meeting, my colleague and I, with two others- a husband and wife team- at a cafe in Orchard. It was one of those easy, casual meetups befitting the nature of our discussion. The meeting got off to a good start- we introduced ourselves, introduced what it was we were doing, what it was we were planning to do, and how we could collaborate. Our counterparts too told us about themselves- where they came from, what they did, what they could offer.
And then it happened.
Midway through, the wife- who had been holding her toddler on her lap all this while- told us that she had to do a 'very motherly' thing, hoped we didn't mind, we could carry on the discussion whilst she did this, and with an air that expected us to agree, promptly whipped out a cloth, and snuggled her child right up to her bosom.
We said we didn't mind- but unbeknownst to me- something did niggle- and that something did stay.
It wasn't because they brought their child to the meeting.
I didn't care about that.
It was more of that there are still lines that border on the professional versus the personal, and as grey as they might be, better it is for everyone to stay on the safe side.
You can say I'm mean.
You can say I'm not understanding of women's struggles and the pain of having to balance the roles of wife, mother and working woman all at the same time.
But the thing is, I do.
We do.
The struggles of childcare are real.
That's why I didn't mind that the toddler was being a toddler during the meeting.
But one must understand that I've also put aside personal roles for the sake of coming here to hold a proper discussion, and between having the meeting continue as-is, perhaps it would have been better had she told us she needed to take a little pause from the discussion, and could we all go for a break together.
Fifteen minutes of casual chat whilst she nursed her child would not have broken the momentum of the discussion.
Instead I started wondering if this was a professional situation, or a personal one.
I started wondering if I was speaking to a potential partner, or to a mother.
And then I started wondering how she perceived herself (at this table). Was she placing the role of working woman as priority, or was she placing the role of mother overarching it all?
Now, before you say I'm hypocritical- "You didn't mind her babysitting her child, but you mind her nursing her child?"- let me say this, I can understand if one finds it hard (and expensive) to hire a babysitter for the entire work day, or for a span of two hours, but what does it cost to pause the discussion, switch the role, and come back to it after?
Fifteen minutes? Twenty? Thirty?
You see, it doesn't matter which industry you come from or how well you know your counterpart. There is such a thing as professional etiquette and boundaries which need adhering to.
Maybe you don't need meeting minutes or presentation slides.
Maybe you don't even need formal business wear.
But by drawing that line of distinction between one role and the other, or attempting to, at least demonstrates a respect for the meeting agenda, at least indicates a respect for every participant in the meeting itself, and at least is apparent to everyone you know the etiquette, and that you've tried.