There was an article I read in the local newspaper a few days ago about how some have been driven to breaking point by stress during the COVID-19 pandemic.
The story in the article was, no doubt, a sad one.
A lady found herself a widow because her husband decided a few days before his 50-something birthday that life was burdensome, meaningless and hopeless, and that there was no point in living it anymore. She has two children- both of whom are of university age and are in Singapore. She also has two elderly folk- one of whom suffers from dementia and the other whom has recently begun to hallucinate.
The COVID-19 (or CORONA as I prefer to call it) shook up their lives to the very core. Her husband, before he died, had had a change of job. Her son, studying overseas prior to the pandemic, had had to abruptly forgo his lifestyle and come home. Her in-law, accustomed to the daily routine where her son would take her out, became hysterical when those excursions were (by law under the circuit-breaker rules) denied.
Perhaps it sounds callous, insensitive, even unsympathetic to speak of this story as a use-case now.
But I must.
I have to.
Because families like these are real.
Situations like these are also real.
I know of homes where a family of seven or eight live together in the space of a two-room flat. In homes like these, the children may have no laptops or computers, much less a computer table and a study area. In homes like these the parents (or parent or elder) may be overwhelmed taking care of the younger ones and either depend on the help of the older ones whom in turn are often trying very hard to discover themselves and lead their own lives. In homes like these too, the children have creative ways of occupying their hours and their days- usually- in the neighborhood outside the flat.
There are homes where a family of four live with an elderly parent and a caregiver in the space of a three-room flat. Here they may have the liberty of more space- there may be a table allocated for the children to study and do their home-based learning- or there may be a table allocated for the working parent whilst the children take the dining table. Takes a little bit of shifting, but no big deal, nothing the family cannot handle. However, at where a routine has been firmly set, now the routine has been abruptly changed, and perhaps it is the elderly who finds himself or herself confused most of all. Interrupted by some virus they don't comprehend, it is perhaps the elderly who takes it the hardest. No more activities, no more going out, the center they go to daily is closed, the bus that comes to pick them up is not coming around, and now they are at home- kept in- by their children- and the government- against their will.
And what about homes where the men batter their women, and where the women batter their children?
The rules apply to one and to all.
Whether you live in a landed property or a one-room flat, the rules are uniform across the board- and it don't care if you have a garden of your own to potter around, or if all you have is a public corridor (which you are for the moment, forbidden to linger)
As much as we wish it were simple and straightforward for them to shrug their shoulders in helpless acceptance of the situation, cope, adjust and carry on, for them in these families, it might not be.
Neither would it be so simple as convincing themselves (and their family members) that these rules are truly the best for themselves, for everyone, and that they- like others in the society- should just obediently adhere.
These are people whose homes are less safe than the outside.
These are people whose nuclear relationships are colder than the drifting winds of the night.
It isn't because they are weak-minded or immature or childish.
It is simply that they don't happen to be in environments that are conducive for who they are, or whatever it is they are doing.
Maybe I speak of the extreme.
But not necessarily so.
We all know of someone who knows someone who knows someone who hangs out at libraries and fast food restaurants and shopping malls and coffee shops and Starbucks all day because they dont' wish to return early home.
We all know of someone who knows someone who knows someone who doesn't come from a comfortable, loving, supportive home.
It isn't just gangster kids hanging out at the void deck or the shopping mall.
It is also adults who decide to work overtime at the office or go out chill with clients and friends just so they don't have to go back so early home.
So, as much as it is advisable to do safe distancing and stay at home and not go out and so on, for them, the enforcement might not be as happy and comfortable and fun and safe as it might be for their friends, and their peers.
This is society.
This is our society.
It is for this reason that I was outright vocal about certain measures that were enforced during the early days of the CB.
To begin with, I wasn't thinking about a week or a month or two months.
I was thinking long term.
Four months, six months, a year.
Because whilst we might be able to bite the bullet in a dire situation and run along with it for a specified period of time, what happens if- IF- the season gets extended and by then, we are drained, we are exhausted, we have run out of internal and external resources, and we just don't have the energy to cope and carry on?
What then will we do?
How then will we cope?
Perhaps we think to ourselves that we should not overthink, and we would be strong enough to handle it when the time comes.
But- BUT- what if- IF- the time comes and you're too fatigued and too stressed to figure out what to do?
What if- IF- you no longer have the mental capacity to kick in new patterns and establish new behaviors?
What happens, then?
Emotionally, mentally, physically, everything escalates.
Things that never used to bother you, bother you now.
Things that you could once escape from, you cannot escape from now.
You used to be able to place things aside and compartmentalize them.
You can't do that now.
Everything becomes a messy, entangled, matted lump.
What's worse- you're in a confined space with others and all of you have no way out. You can't hide. You can't avoid. Desperation sets in. Fear sets in. Anger surfaces. Blaming begins. Fights start.
And you *still* have no way out.
Perhaps i am kiasee.
But I didn't want to wait till desperation and anger hit before reacting. I didn't want to wait till then to plan, to measure, to cope, to be conscious and congruent and confident of my emotions.
I wanted to start now.
If it were the 'new normal' then let the normal begin its journey now. If I needed to apply it, no problem. If I didn't need to apply it, well, I'd just fall back to old patterns and old plans.
That's what all my opinions- however irresponsible, however noisy, however childish, however dramatic-sounding, however (seemingly) immature- were for.
It was never for just the two months.
It was just in case the two months extended to two years.
I needed to know what to do.
We needed to know what to do.
Our society needed to know what to do.
It is five months now since the circuit breaker lockdown started. We're now in Phase 2. Can I say we have adjusted?
Maybe, maybe not.
But some policies have certainly been remodeled for the benefit of those who happen to have different environments as compared to their peers.
School gates are open. School canteens are open. Laptops have been reformatted and loaned or donated to those who need it. High-end computers too have been loaned to students who work their programs on it. Shopping malls and supermarkets allow both Safeentry and IDs for admission, with NTUC even doing mobile van style for residents in selected housing estates. And whilst alcohol has a time limit until 2230, seniors can now go downstairs to the coffee shop (masked up) for their regular cup of kopi.
There're still adjustments to be made, of course.
Libraries restrict your time to 30 minutes. Starbucks and Coffee Bean put a sticker on the table and encourage you to not hang around too long with your drink. And slowly some of us are returning to the co-working spaces and offices.
We're not there yet.
But I think we know a little of what we ought, and can, and should do.
This post here isn't to point fingers at any of us who have found ourselves confused, lost, irritated and annoyed.
None of us are ever well prepared enough for crises, trauma, or change.
We can only hope to make the process easier, better, happier, and even so, there will be reaction. There will be feelings of anger and despair and grief and loss. That's expected. That's fine. We can allow ourselves to embrace everything.
If we didn't realize back then we didn't need to get prepared and have found ourselves losing our s*** over the tremendous Change, let's not whack ourselves but accept that it (really) is a crisis with a capital C- and carry on from where we are step on step on step.
You're surviving.
I'm surviving.
We all are.
By the way, i am not (not) sympathetic.
The mentioned case is a really sad one- i sincerely feel for the widow- I feel for all the new challenges that she now has to shoulder- and quietly i wonder if anyone could have stepped in for her late husband before he died.