Lying here on the bed day on day, spending a good amount of time staring up at the fluffy white clouds drifting across the sky, Miss Brown has had a lot of time to think.
She doesn't contemplate a lot.
She's not the sort.
But there are the memories- and eighty years is no short time. Still, it is the last fifty that keep coming to her mind, and it is the last fifty that she keeps chewing over, and over, and over.
Had there been nothing that she had not done for this girl? Had there been something that she could have done more, other than what she had already done? What went wrong? What had not been done right?
This was a girl whom her birth parents had rejected and thrown away because she was believed to be a jinx. This was a girl whom nobody- not even her first foster family who returned her to her birth parents- wanted. The reasons for their rejection of this child, Miss Brown remembers no more.
She only remembers her barren state, the taunts, and the insults she received from the viper-tongued women in her husband's family.
She had wanted a child.
She had so needed a child.
And then this little girl had come into her life.
Barely six months of age, the baby grasped her outstretched finger tightly, trustingly, and didn't let go.
This one gesture from a tiny baby spoke volumes to Miss Brown. From then on it was sealed in Miss Brown's heart that this child wanted her, needed her, and would never let go of her. They had merged into one, baby and barren lady, and they would be together for life.
This little girl belonged to her, and her alone. She would forever be her daughter, and Miss Brown would forever be her mother. Nothing would separate them. Nothing would come in between them. They would be together- for life. This girl was hers to keep.
And she gave the girl what she could.
A new name, an education, a family.
Everything the family had, she shared with her. She strived to spend time with her, even moving out from the extended family's shop house to their own flat just so mother and daughter could have their own time without the interference of the rest of the family.
They brought her on excursions to Malaysia. They brought her to excursions to the beach, and to the parks. There were many places that they went together as a family, so many that Miss Brown cannot remember.
But it is the day to day that she recollects in flash snippets here and there. The girl at home in the flat. the girl in her school uniform, the girl and her talking, birthday celebrations, meals eaten together, doing the grocery runs together, they going to the wet market together, family visits during the festive occasions, the girl playing with the rest of the children at the shop house....
Day on day...
There are photos of them together, many of them. There is one of them standing on the sandy beach together. Another is of them at a kelong. There are photos of them at a park during a family excursion where they are sitting on a picnic mat surrounded by boxes of food. They are smiling. Then there are the photos of them on a family trip together. She, in her pink dress, casually leaning against the rocks, with Miss Brown perched daintily on the rocks further up.
Would she see those photos again?
Or had they disappeared the same way the girl had now disappeared?
Had there been nothing that she had not done for this girl? Had there been something that she could have done more, other than what she had already done? What went wrong? What had not been done right?
This was a girl whom her birth parents had rejected and thrown away because she was believed to be a jinx. This was a girl whom nobody- not even her first foster family who returned her to her birth parents- wanted. The reasons for their rejection of this child, Miss Brown remembers no more.
She only remembers her barren state, the taunts, and the insults she received from the viper-tongued women in her husband's family.
She had wanted a child.
She had so needed a child.
And then this little girl had come into her life.
Barely six months of age, the baby grasped her outstretched finger tightly, trustingly, and didn't let go.
This one gesture from a tiny baby spoke volumes to Miss Brown. From then on it was sealed in Miss Brown's heart that this child wanted her, needed her, and would never let go of her. They had merged into one, baby and barren lady, and they would be together for life.
This little girl belonged to her, and her alone. She would forever be her daughter, and Miss Brown would forever be her mother. Nothing would separate them. Nothing would come in between them. They would be together- for life. This girl was hers to keep.
And she gave the girl what she could.
A new name, an education, a family.
Everything the family had, she shared with her. She strived to spend time with her, even moving out from the extended family's shop house to their own flat just so mother and daughter could have their own time without the interference of the rest of the family.
They brought her on excursions to Malaysia. They brought her to excursions to the beach, and to the parks. There were many places that they went together as a family, so many that Miss Brown cannot remember.
But it is the day to day that she recollects in flash snippets here and there. The girl at home in the flat. the girl in her school uniform, the girl and her talking, birthday celebrations, meals eaten together, doing the grocery runs together, they going to the wet market together, family visits during the festive occasions, the girl playing with the rest of the children at the shop house....
Day on day...
There are photos of them together, many of them. There is one of them standing on the sandy beach together. Another is of them at a kelong. There are photos of them at a park during a family excursion where they are sitting on a picnic mat surrounded by boxes of food. They are smiling. Then there are the photos of them on a family trip together. She, in her pink dress, casually leaning against the rocks, with Miss Brown perched daintily on the rocks further up.
Would she see those photos again?
Or had they disappeared the same way the girl had now disappeared?